Emotional Intelligence for the AI Age !

1987, TIRUTANI TEMPLE — TAMILNADU

“Arogara, Arogara…” — the chant echoed everywhere. Yellow dresses. Bells ringing. The sound felt divine.

Seven of us — my sister, cousins, and I — held hands like a train. Packed so tight that if you dropped a coin, you’d have to search for where it landed.

My father led the way. My mother behind us. We moved through the crowd when we saw it — the temple elephant.

Every child wanted to see it. No one wanted to go near it. That huge body. That trunk swaying in the air. It was blessing people in exchange for fruit and coins.

We walked past without stopping, but our eyes stayed on that elephant.

We had our Darshan. Got back on the bus. Window seats.

The bus started moving.

Suddenly, my mother counted heads.

Her voice shook.

“Where is Varun?”

My four-year-old cousin brother was missing.

The joy of the moment collapsed. Fear took over. In that crowd — thousands of people — how would we find him?

My mother didn’t hesitate. The bus stopped. She ran back.

We all followed.

By grace — or luck —

Someone was holding my cousin’s hand. He was standing a few feet from where the elephant was. Tears streaking his face.

My mother hugged him. We thanked the stranger who’d kept him safe.

That memory has stayed with me.

He didn’t go near the elephant because he was afraid. So he let go of our hand. Got pushed to the corner. The elephant was right there. So he didn’t move.

He just stood there. Frozen. Tears streaming.

He could see us moving. But he was stuck.

And I’ve been watching the signal ever since — in every job, every risk, every moment of fear.

What I learnt:

The Fear elephant is always there in our journey to stop you.

Sometimes it’s the comfort of your title.
Sometimes it’s the paycheck you can’t lose.
Sometimes it’s a company’s layoff move (musth) slowly crushing you.
Sometimes it’s your own fear of starting over.

The truth:

Think like a mother — act with urgency when something you value is at risk.

You don’t run from the elephant. You don’t fight it. You learn to guide it.

The elephant listens to the mahout and his ankusam.

Your creativity, emotional intelligence, curiosity — these are your ankusam. (the tool that guides and control the elephant).

What’s your Ankusam?

That’s what moves you forward.

P.S: If you’re froze by your initial design, living paycheck-to-paycheck, don’t have space to pause, if the elephant is crushing you — you need a Kumki first. A trained elephant to handle the wild one.

Calculated risk. Not philosophy.

There’s a moment all of us forget we learned.
Mine came on a 50-paise bicycle.

I was in 4th grade.
Sunday morning.
Woke up early
No exam. No festival.
Just a strong urge:
“I need to ride today.”

I was first at the rental shop.
Three cycles.
The smallest one — the “practice bike.”
But the owner gave the new ones to the confident boys first.
The ones who wouldn’t break things.

The amateurs like me had to wait.

I held my 50 paise like a passport.

Finally, he handed it to me —
red colour, U-shaped handle, pedals almost out of reach.

I pushed off.
One foot on the ground.
One foot searching blindly.
Hopping. Wobbling.
Like a newborn kangaroo trying to move.

And then…
something clicked.

For 30 seconds, I forgot the ground existed.
Both feet on the pedals.
The cycle stayed upright.
The breeze touched my forehead.

No support.
Just me.
Just balance.
Just magic.

And in that moment I learned a truth I didn’t yet understand:

Imbalance is not failure.
It’s a signal to balance.

The next day, I took my father’s big Hercules.
Cross-pedaling. Hands on the handlebar.

Then I saw him —
a boy balancing effortlessly,
hands hovering in the air
No fear.
Complete mastery.

And just like that…

I compared.
I wanted to prove something —
to him, to the shop owner, to myself.

So, I tried.
Pedals faster.
One hand off.

And then—
the fall.

The handle twisted.
The cycle spat me into the rough sand.
The pain was sharp and sudden.

That scar on my knee became my identification mark.

The wound healed in three weeks.
But the real lesson took years:

Every fall in my life since —
career, relationships, ambition —
is the same fall.
the same overconfidence.
But always… ready to stand again
for my own ride

We all forget this.

We see someone riding with hands in the air…
succeeding in business, switching careers, thriving in new worlds
and we think:

“They got it naturally. I never will.”

But they also learned on a small bicycle.
They also fell into sand.
They also had a moment when balance felt impossible…
right before it became natural.

In a world moving this fast, remember:

You don’t learn by watching someone ride without hands.
You learn by falling, healing, and trying again.

If you’re falling right now —
in learning, in career, in confidence —

You’re not behind.
You’re becoming ready.

The rough sand hurts.
But it’s also how balance is born.

Ready for your next ride?

Share your bicycle moment —
the one that hurt before it taught you.

Someone who got in to rough sand may need to hear it.

#SimpleSecrets #SignalStories #EmotionalIntelligence #Leadership #Learning #AI #Creative #Entrepreneurs

“Appa, I prepared well and did well on my exams… but why is Mom worried about Rank 1?”
I know every parent wants their child to be a top scorer—it’s a pride, a benchmark, a proof of hard work paying off.

But this story—it became my answer in this AI world.

“If everything goes perfectly, it’s not a real demo. The bumps make it real — just like life.“ My mentor said that once. We didn’t fully understand it until that day.

We were presenting an AI demo to a key customer—a product intelligence system that could answer business questions in plain English. We’d practiced for 2 days. My team knew exactly what to ask the AI chatbot, what to expect, how to explain each feature.

The call started on time. The customer’s Head of Engineering was listening closely. Everything went smoothly… until he asked about a product variation we hadn’t tuned the system prompt for.

The agent took extra time to process the request… but generated the wrong query.
Then it said: “I don’t know.” (as per explicit query validation logic)

For one second, the room felt heavier.

And my lead started explaining the reason behind it.

But the customer interrupted her.
“No, wait. This is exactly what we need. When the agent doesn’t know, it should say so — not hallucinate.”

Silence.

He continued: “Every AI powered chatbot we’ve evaluated claims to answer all questions. But you know what kills us? When it’s confidently wrong.

That moment shifted something in me.

#SimpleSecrets: Trust begins with honesty, not perfection in all things.

Three months later, I got a ping from my client partner through LinkedIn:

“All well?”

---

That’s when I found out—the customer wanted to start the PoC. They were ready. But here’s what I realized in that moment:

The demo worked. The trust was built. The business opportunity came—the “Rank 1” moment I’d worked for. But by the time it arrived, I couldn’t celebrate that winning moment — I must give full credit to my team Abinaya and Shrish who made the heavy lift.

That signal I was listening to wasn’t the success of the demo. It was something deeper—a call to step away and pursue a new path.

And maybe that’s what my mentor meant all along:
The bumps make it real. Not just in the demo, but in life.

The waiting. The silence.

The big bumps teach you something the smooth wins never will—that success isn’t always about what you gain, but about what you learn from the journey

So here’s what I tell my son:
Getting Rank 1 is like winning momentum. It feels like the destination. But it’s not. The real destination is what that rank—or that delayed win—helps you decode your actual signal.

What signal are you listening to?
The one that promises the prize… or the one that asks you to choose a path that serves something bigger than the prize?”

#SimpleSecrets #EmotionalIntelligence #AI #Leadership #Creative #SignalStories #Parents

Got a question from my son:

“Appa… how do I know I got a good friend?”

Not just for the present… but for a lifetime. 🌈

And like a movie,my mind suddenly travelled back to 1985 — Tiruttani, Tamil Nadu, India

I was 7.

New town… new school… new everything.

Our house was right opposite the school.

Next to it was an open playground where boys and girls played Goli, Gilli every evening.

I used to stand and watch them playing.

I saw the white ‘mavu goli gundu’ ⚪ — only a few kids had it with pride.

I wanted to try… but no one bothered about me.

Then I heard a voice.

A boy, a little matured for his age, calling me:

“Dai…inga vaa da. (Come here friend).”

He walked towards me, smiled, and placed that strong white goli in my hand.

“Throw it to the centre…,” he said.

I hesitated. But when I looked at him directly, something stayed with me forever —

his eyes were big like a goli.

Not wealthy by appearance.

But a heart full of warmth.

An instant bonding — like Feviquick.

That was my Manikandan.

My first definition of a friend — a true heart.

He didn’t expect anything from me. He wasn’t even in my school.

But whatever I liked, he somehow made sure I got it.

One day, he even designed my first “gadget” —

He stuck tiny butterfly pictures (stamp sized) one by one inside a matchbox, fixed a broomstick as a controller knob, and made a rotating mini-TV.

Kids in 2025 swipe screens. Kids in 1985 played with stories.

I don’t remember where he studied.

I don’t know if he ate on time.

But I remember: He was rich — in his heart.

And yet… when my father got transferred again,

I lost him.

Over the years, I met many friends — from school, college, colleagues, teams, leaders, juniors.

But few were like Manikandan.

People who appear only for a short chapter…but stay with you for life.

It’s not always about age or being in the same phase of life.

That’s how I got my Gouthaman R (late).

He pulled me out of loneliness… colored my path…

Even when I landed in the US for the first time, he came to the airport at midnight to pick me up and made sure I spoke to my parents.

Honestly, we had barely spoken in the 3 years before that.

I wasn’t part of his team.

I wasn’t in his frequency.
To others, he could seem tough & demanding, sometimes hard.

But to me, he showed up. Without being asked. Without expecting anything.

And I always wonder: what made him do all that?

In life, we come across such people.

They expect nothing… but stand like always green signals in our path.

I often feel grateful… and sometimes guilty.

Because I couldn’t give back to them the way they gave care and love to me.

But that guilt became a golden seed —

and it made me give it back, in the name of Manikandan and Gouthaman…

by being an invisible warm friend, supportive mentor wherever I can.

Not just for work… but for life memories.

So, when my teen boy asked that question,

I didn’t answer directly.

I said:
Be like Mani and Gouthaman. But watch the signal: who are reflecting back… or just receiving?

You now know the answer. 💎

Because…

Some friends walk with you in the same journey — school, college, office. They are Gold!

But some are rare diamonds — they walk for you, even if not with you.

If you can recognise such people early, you’re gifted.

A true friend is someone who expects nothing, stands by you quietly, corrects you without telling you — and only when distance comes, you realize how much they cared and shaped your journey.

If this touched you, share this with the friend/mentor who colored your life journey — the diamonds 💎

Spread the smiles. 🌈

#SimpleSecrets #Friendship #Gratitude #LifeLessons #EmotionalIntelligence #ei4AIbooks #SignalStories

I was not an accountant, but I had to tally that!

In 2001, my first year of MCA, Accountancy was one paper I had to pass. Coming from a Pharmacy background, it was quite challenging for me.

You know, when you’ve never failed any exam from school to college, there’s doubt and pressure—that weight on your shoulders to clear.

I won’t lie—in school days, when my friends prayed to clear their exams, I didn’t join them. I believed effort was what would matter to me personally.

But when doubt crept in, when fear made us question ourselves, we needed something… a positive signal to make us ‘Step up.’

I was looking for that signal before entering the exam gate and noticed a temple in the distance on a hillside—about 5 kms away. Instantly, I felt some positive vibes. I told myself: If I clear this exam, I’ll visit that hill temple.

I was sure I’d solved at least 2 problems well. Hope kept me moving forward.

Two months later, results came: 66/100 and top 10 in my class! 🙂

That weekend, I headed to keep my promise to myself.

As I neared the village and approached the ground, I realized something—it wasn’t a Murugan temple at all. It was a Jesus statue on the cross.

I paused for a moment.
It’s like my Head and Heart looking at each other. ✨

Then smiled and took my first step up the hill, with full gratitude.

That hill taught me:” The spark doesn’t need a name or definition”. 

It just needs to be recognized.

It became crystal clear:

That ‘Signal’—that invisible spark—cleared my mind long before the results arrived.

When fear dominates, we need something beyond logic.

We can’t always be at full energy. We can’t always stay motivated.

Sometimes life tests us, and to mindfully handle that, we need a signal that speaks to our hearts.

**To whoever is stuck or facing failure right now:**

Look for that signal.

“The signal is real.“

Some call it hope. 

Some call it faith. 

Some call it self-confidence. 

Some call it grace.

I’m not here to tell you what to call it.

I’m just here to tell you: ” It exists.”

And when fear dominates, use ‘fear as a filter’ to look out for the right signal.

It’s always there—sometimes as a thought, sometimes as a feeling, sometimes as a quote, a post, a story and sometimes as a person who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself.

The spark shows up. You just have to pause, recognize it.

Finally, I thanked my Accounts Sir and trained myself to look for the right signal—and it’s always there.🌈

#SimpleSecrets #Hope #EmotionalIntelligence #Creative #Leadership

P.S: Edited with AI Assistants

When Fear Mislabeled Kindness (and What AI Can Teach Us About It)

A question from a 7-year-old that I couldn’t answer immediately.

“I tried to be nice to my friend, and they yelled at me. Why would they do that? I don’t want to help anymore.”

As a loving and responsible parent, what would you say?

I took a moment. And then a memory surfaced.

🕒 9:30 a.m. — Chennai, Anna Nagar. 2007

On my way to the office.

As usual, heavy traffic.

When people race with time,

“Heyyyy heyyyyi”

A bike hit a scooter.

An old man flew backward, his things scattering all over the road.

I stopped. I ran.

Before I could hold him, he was shouting:

“Don’t you have eyes? You hit me!”

And in that second — I froze.

From realization.

Oh God. The old man got the wrong signal.

I was — heart pounding, rushing to help — and he saw me as the threat.

“Periyavarea , it’s not me…”

But he couldn’t hear me.

His pain was speaking louder than my words.

He was terrified. His body hurt.

And pain had blurred his perception.

I stood quietly for a moment, watching others move him to a safe spot while I began collecting his scattered belongings.

This is what pain does to people.

Confusion makes us read signals differently

The old man got hit by a bike and thought I did it. That’s one pain.

But there’s another pain — deeper. A pain that teaches.

I got scolded while trying to help. Blamed for something I didn’t do. Rejected when I was offering care.

That hurt.

But that hurt was a signal — showing me that when people are scared, they misread everything.

When people are in crisis, facts doesn’t matter.

What that moment taught me,

I could’ve stayed hurt.

I could’ve said, “The world is unfair.”

But the old man taught me something I didn’t know I needed to learn:

When someone is scared or deep in shock, they’re not really hearing your words — they’re only reacting to their pain.

It taught me that Fear or Pain blinds.

That helping people — in business, life, or anywhere — requires patience with their confusion.

Sometimes people reject you not because you’re wrong, but because they’re scared. That moment, instead of: “How do I make them understand?”

Ask “Am I brave enough to stand there, quiet, while they figure it out?”

And I think that’s where wisdom begins —

18 years since, I’m still learning to send clearer signals🚦

P.S: This pattern exists in AI too.

In machine learning, AI models get noisy training data. when the signal is distorted or mislabelled, like when fear labels a ‘helper’ as a ‘threat’.

AI corrects this gap using something called the ‘loss function’ — it measures the difference between prediction and reality; then learns to adjust.

But humans?

We carry mislabeled data for years.

The difference?

AI gets thousands of training examples to correct the pattern. We sometimes get just one moment — and we choose whether to update our model or harden our bias. 😉

That’s what I told the 7-year-old:

‘Your friend might be scared of something. Give them time. Keep being kind.’ 💖

#SimpleSecrets #Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #AI | Ei4AiBooks | Edited with AI Assistants

Smiles,

Senthil Chidambaram